my mom spoke these words to me tonight as we sat in the living room having our heart to heart. it felt good to hear her say this along with her recognizing the sacrifices that i had made to make the hardest decision of my life thus far–to have my daughter. why was this such a hard decision? well, i got pregnant super unexpectedly after a divorce and being laid off.
during this conversation, she also recognized how well i had performed throughout life period but how i wasn’t “shining” yet. she’s right. i’ve been absurdly scared to take risks in my life. not only that, but i’ve been the one taking care of everyone. i’ve been that person who puts myself on the back burner for everyone in my life. but not anymore.
my mom says it’s time to be selfish. she’s right. how does this make sense? because now that i have my daughter, she’s number one and in order for me to provide the best for her, i’ve got to put myself and my needs in the forefront. but most importantly, i’ve got to stop doubting myself and being so afraid of doing what’s uncommon. i’ve never really thought of myself as different or awesome or greater than the next person. but i think in reality, there are some things about me that make me different, awesome, and greater than the next person. it’s time i see that and run with it.
so here’s to shining in 2010… i don’t have a choice other than to shine cuz “when i shine, you shine, we shine… together!” (corny, i know)
xoxo
me
