during this conversation, she also recognized how well i had performed throughout life period but how i wasn’t “shining” yet. she’s right. i’ve been absurdly scared to take risks in my life. not only that, but i’ve been the one taking care of everyone. i’ve been that person who puts myself on the back burner for everyone in my life. but not anymore.

my mom says it’s time to be selfish. she’s right. how does this make sense? because now that i have my daughter, she’s number one and in order for me to provide the best for her, i’ve got to put myself and my needs in the forefront. but most importantly, i’ve got to stop doubting myself and being so afraid of doing what’s uncommon. i’ve never really thought of myself as different or awesome or greater than the next person. but i think in reality, there are some things about me that make me different, awesome, and greater than the next person. it’s time i see that and run with it.

so here’s to shining in 2010… i don’t have a choice other than to shine cuz “when i shine, you shine, we shine… together!” (corny, i know)

xoxo

me

here’s a blurb of what to expect:

i did a little shopping at stein mart today. i had a 20% off clearance stuff coupon AND  $50 giftcard for there so i decided that it was high time i treat myself. and that’s just what i did!

new purse that doubles as diaper bag

the inside of the bag is what really sold me... purple rain!

FIERCE wallet... i love this!

headbands are kinda my thing

slippers and non-skid socks... mandatory for hospital

necklace... potential statement piece

earrings and ring... LOOOOVE these

yeah… so clearly i had oodles of fun shopping here… my goal: to be a fly mama!

xoxo

me

who is this person? well, his name is shaun king. some of you may know him and many of you may not but i know that i’m happy that i do.

shaun king

i remember shaun from my spelman days. i always remember him in a suit with a smile. it seemed as though nothing could take his joy away and that resonated from his spirit. his eternal optimism was contagious then just as it is now. so what’s making me write this? well, i have a lot of things that i’d like to say to him, or rather things i would just want him to know and since this blog is my outlet, i’m going to do it here.

shaun started the courageous church. in 2008, we got back in contact. at the time, i was with my ex-husband and loved interacting with a young couple. shaun is only a couple years my senior but he was many many years ahead of me in wisdom and maturity. at the time, only part of me wanted to accept that. see, shaun and his wife rai are truly a beautiful family. i think that shaun could see when my marriage started falling apart. he tried to hold me accountable by “checking” me on some of the things that i was writing and saying. but due to my own immaturity, i didn’t accept it.

he would watch me on twitter saying things about the demise of my marriage and reached out to me time and time again to help. but my ex and i just couldn’t hold on. because of my anger, hurt, and pain through this ordeal, i opted to block shaun on twitter and out of my life. big mistake. what i’ve realized now is that the ones who love us most will always tell us the truth despite our readiness to listen. shaun fought with me to hear some of the things he was trying to say but i just wouldn’t listen.

then recently as i’ve gotten over myself and grown, i started following shaun again on twitter. per usual, shaun would tweet funny and inspirational things. for the longest, i was too embarrassed to respond to any of his tweets because of how my immaturity had manifested in my past. but then the tragedy in haiti occurred. i don’t think that shaun has an ounce of haitian in him but the way that he has been fighting for these people is amazing.

why is it amazing? you know, God’s love is the purest love that we know. He loves us without conditions. shaun’s love of people, the world, and God is the closest i’ve witnessed to replicating God’s perfect love. despite people threatening him, people not responding to him, people’s lack of faith in him, shaun has continued to fight to get these people help. one of my favorite quotes was “you have to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything” and shaun’s fight for PEOPLE is the embodiment of this quote.

everyday his twitter updates amaze me and help me to continue my own fight. no, i’m not quite ready to fight for all of humanity. but he’s inspired me to fight for myself and not give up on others. he’s inspired me to be better and continue to push myself to my greater self.

You have to focus on what God is calling you to do and know that if some folk don’t think you’re a little crazy then you either aren’t fighting hard enough for what you believe in or need a cause to get behind! I triple dog DARE you to get back in the ring. Get a little more fight in you for a cause. Hurting people need YOU!

~ shaun king

shaun, if you read this, please know that your efforts and greatness are seen. keep walking in the gift the God gave you. you are making a difference.

xoxo

me

today i went to a funeral. the one word that i could use to describe this experience was powerful.

i think that most funerals teach you something about life, but because of the timing of this funeral in my life, it’s hitting me all the more harder.

this funeral really made me think about how i was living my life and what people will be saying about me when it’s my turn to move on. it also made me think back to what this guy told me. he said that you don’t leave your legacy in the world by your work but you leave it with your family. listening to this woman’s family talk about her confirmed that she indeed left a wonderful mark on the world. when her granddaughter stood up to give her remarks, there wasn’t a dry eye in the church. and seats? there were none! people were sitting in pews, folding chairs, stairs, the floor. HER people, her community, came out to pay their respects.

the pastor got up and said “her sermon was already written by the life she led”. i nearly fell out because of the power in this statement. everything that we do today, yesterday, tomorrow is all part of what we’re being remembered for. when it comes time for my funeral, i want to be remembered for my smile, my loving nature, the fight and passion that i had for life. but in order for me to be remembered this way, i have to make sure that i’m writing that sermon now.

another thing that it reminded me of is appreciating people everyday because who knows if tomorrow they’ll be here or not. i started thinking about my mom and i and i don’t know if she knows how much i love and appreciate her in my life. so often we spend so much time complaining about the people in our lives and the things they aren’t doing right that we don’t praise them for all the right they do. i’m loved so very much by the people in my life and this is what soothes my pain during the times i can’t be with people physically. with that, i want to thank YOU. whether you just read my blog and think of me during the hard times, are part of my real life and have helped me to smile, or you’re just passing through, thank you.

i ask you guys this, what is going to be said at your funeral? what kind of sermon are you writing with the life you’re living? have you told your loved ones how much you love and appreciate them today?

xoxo

me

ever since going natural, i’m probably below low maintenance when it comes to my hair but there have been some things that i’ve picked up along the way.

my hair in beginning of 2009

hair breakage/hair falling out

the specific question that i got was about how to stop your hair from breaking off when going through stressful times. this has happened to me once that i could remember. a woman’s hair falling out is very much so the emotional equivalent to a man balding except most of us don’t have the balls to just go bald.

i was watching dr. oz recently and a woman had a question specifically about hair that was falling out. he recommended massaging lavender essential oil on your scalp. i ditto this. not only will the scent be a nice, nerve soothing smell, but the massaging on your scalp does wonders as well. but the lavender is the specific ingredient that will aid in stopping your hair from falling out. where do you get this? any natural food store will have it or you can order it online. but be sure to mix it with a carrier oil like safflower oil to dilute it a bit.

my hair won’t grow!

i’ve NEVER had this issue. my hair has grown like a chia pet since i could remember. but i do know that when i wanted it to grow even faster there were some things that i found helped.

one thing to understand is that our hair primarily grows due to an excess of vitamins in our body. with that being said GET YOUR VITAMINS! ladies, the best vitamins for us out there regarding hair and nail growth are prenatal vitamins. if you’ve already had kids, not planning on having them, or are planning on having them, prenatal vitamins are your friend.

get your green, leafy vegetables and your fruits in! fresh vegetables and fruits are loaded with easily absorbed vitamins. last year i became a raw foodie for a short period of time and my hair and nails grew exponentially faster. i ate tons of salads and fruits. yum!

this last one is going to sound a smidge weird but it worked. try to spend 15 min upside down 2 times a day. weird, i know but the blood flow to your head will help with the growth. while your doing that, give your scalp a massage with that oil. make it a ritual!

hair products: get back to the basics

i chopped it off in august of 2009

i don’t know about you guys, but i judge how good a hair product is by how expensive it is and how good it smells. lame right? right. but some of the best things for your hair are some of the most basic household items.

do a little research on the internet and i’m sure that you’ll be able to find the honey-banana smoothie for your hair or learn that mixing beer with your shampoo will help it with shine and strength. the more expensive is not always best.

and be careful about what’s in these products. not sure what to look for? my great friend and hair expert cassandy has written a blog that includes the 10 ingredients to avoid here.

i hope that some of this can help! i know i love my hair and keeping it soft, shiny, and smelling good is one of my favorite things.

got questions? have some advice to give? feel free to post it here!

xoxo

me

when I went to church this morning, this was heavy on my mind, heart, and spirit… and per usual, God delivered what I needed. today’s reading came from Matthew 9:18. in this passage, Jesus was on his way to perform a miracle when Veronica came and touched his robe feeling that if she could just touch His robe, she would be healed. Jesus stopped what he was doing and spoke to her.

why is this relevant to me? see, no one is a nobody in Gods eyes. and if God can feel like everyone is a somebody, then why do I feel like it’s ok to think of people not worthy of my trust and love? this makes absolutely no sense to me and it’s funny because as my brain and spirit began to process this, I began to see people in church differently. earlier in service I was judging people on what they were wearing, how they were walking, how they smelled, etc. but as I got this lesson, I truly saw all these people as beautiful.

but this was a lesson that most people in the church had gotten and shown me previously. I’m not a member of the church but they have welcomed me with open arms. they have listened to me testify and loved me AND my baby without knowing us. one of the pastors has even gone and planned a baby shower for me! this is love, Gods love. it’s amazing how you have all these examples of unconditional love but you can’t see it till your spirit is ready.

I’m thankful that God gave me the lesson that I needed today. but I offer you this, open your eyes to what’s around you. eveything you need is already there.

– Post From My iPhone

xoxo
aaronica

vanity… i think that most americans “struggle” with it. some of us will do the  craziest things just out of shear vanity. i’m a slave to this notion of vanity as well. i  can’t help it.

so how does it manifest with me? ugh, how doesn’t it!. i’m 8 months pregnant and  still somehow manage to reach over my belly and shave in the shower. i fold into  some oddly shaped pretzel in order to paint my toes. i change my nail color every  week. i refuse to allow the people where i live to do my eyebrows because i don’t  want them to mess my face up. this list could go on.

the only reason why i don’t see this as problematic is because i do it for myself. i’m  single and living with my mom AND it’s wintertime and i still do all this upkeep.  why? because i love different colors on my fingers and toes. i love the way my legs  feel when they are freshly shaven. i love the way my eyebrows accentuate my eyes  when properly done–even if it’s just me looking at them.

so often i hear people doing things to themselves for the benefit of another and i see this as problematic and speaks to a greater challenge that is plaguing most people. self love.

my spirit is disturbed when i hear people put more emphasis on another person’s opinion of themselves then their own. why does another person’s view of you matter so much? i read this quote tonight on twitter:

what another person thinks of you is none of your business.

i don’t know who said it but they were really on to something. i remember when i was going through my divorce. i was talking to my brother about what to do. the only thing holding me back from asking for the divorce was what my family and others would think. he told me that i needed to make my bed in such a way that i could sleep comfortably at night. no one else has to sleep in your bed but you so why do others matter so much?

i don’t know the answer to that question. maybe you do. but the next time you’re asking how you look, i hope you’re asking yourself in the mirror instead of trying to impress another.

xoxo

me

yep… i finally did it… my homegirl mo posted the pix from her vision board and that gave me the motivation that i needed to get mine together. that, on top of the fact that i’m feeling mighty frustrated today. but that’s another blog for another day.

back to my vision board…

i love it. but i do feel like there just wasn’t enough space for me to express my entirety of my vision for myself. but i did capture a lot of the important pieces. my vision board could be split up into a couple of sections:

• family life/motherhood
• career/picking myself up professionally
• things that make me me or how i want to see myself
• my interests (including art, makeup, beauty, fashion, etc)
• my health/fitness

i put baby hands and feet in all the areas because one thing that will never change is that i’m a mom and no matter where i go in life, my child will be there with me.

putting together my vision board was good for me. it’s giving me some direction. some of the things that i didn’t get a chance to add were my spiritual goals and my mental goals. i want to continue to press on my spirituality and learning.

again, i’d like to invite you guys to share your vision boards with me!

xoxo

me