so last nite i was boo-loving and i was thinking about romantic relationships. although i’m not ready for one now, i know that eventually i’m gonna wanna get back into a relationship with someone. something that i learned from my marriage is that i should have in mind my standards for a relationship before i think about getting into one. the reason this is so important is because i need to make sure that i’m upholding my part in the relationship as much as he is. and to make sure that i could be clear about acceptable behaviors from both of us.
to be honest, i’m scared shitless of being in a relationship again. why? because… i’m at the age where i’m not dating just for fun and when you have a child, there’s nothing casual about it. so i kind of feel like i’m dating for my next relationship or even future husband dare i say! . the part that scares me is that i’m really not the best decision maker when it comes to this area of my life. what if i make the wrong decision again? what if i end up miserable again? what if i don’t ever find someone who i’ll be happy with?
all of these thoughts cross my mind when i think of a future relationship but some good ones cross too. like being in love forever. i think my favorite feeling in the world is that feeling you get once you realize that you love someone. foods taste better, the air feels fresher, smells smell sweeter. you sit and smile for no reason and your thoughts are consistently plagued by your new found love. and then as this grows from “falling in love” to “loving someone” you do things to make the other person happy and they do the same for you. you get tickled that they remembered your favorite flowers from your first date. you no longer have sex but really connect with each other through making love and letting your souls intertwine. then begins the planning for the future process. you can’t picture your future without them.
is it an unrealistic expectation to want to be in love forever? i don’t want that feeling to leave. through arguments, disagreements, good times, and all, i always want to feel in love with him. i don’t ever want to feel like i don’t honor or respect my husband and vice versa. i’m not expecting my next relationship to be all fun and roses but i do want a positive and healthy relationship. i want to feel like i can be myself and not feel like i’m not good enough. i want a give and take relationship where we are both learning. i want for us to both want the best versions of ourselves and consistently be encouraging each other to obtain that. i want to have fun!
now… just to find the guy to share this with…
xoxo
me
I’m glad to see another fellow divorcee who is not jaded about love and marriage. Hell, I see enough never-been-married folks jaded about love and marriage. I don’t think the desire for lifelong love is unrealistic, so long as you have a realistic notion of what that really MEANS and what it looks like. Sounds like you already do…. that’s the silver lining on the divorce cloud, living and learning.
It is DEFINITELY possible! As my pastor said, “Love is friendship on fire!” I love this definition and I think it is soooo true! Find that person who is your best friend as well as your lover and you can’t go wrong. Your best friend loves you even when you are wrong, old, crusty, and stank. Your mate should love you in the same way! I know mine does!